A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, “Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”
“You mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist.
“That’s it, I can never remember that word.”
A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, “The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water”.
A Chemical is a Substance that:
An organic chemist turns into a foul odor.
An analytical chemist turns into a procedure.
A physical chemist turns into a straight line.
A biochemist turns into a helix.
A chemical engineer turns into a profit.
Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
Classification of Chemistry
Physical Chemistry: The pitiful attempt to apply y=mx+b to everything in the universe.
Organic Chemistry: The practice of transmuting vile substances into publications.
Inorganic Chemistry: That which is left over after the organic, analytical, and physical chemists get through picking over the periodic table.
Chemical Engineering: The practice of doing for a profit what an organic chemist only does for fun.
Organic chemistry is the study of carbon compounds,
biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that wriggle.
You Might Be a Chemist if…
- you carry your lab safety goggles around with you at all times, just in case…
- you don’t drink water, you drink H2O.
- you start disagreeing with movies and TV shows on scientific aspects.
- you carry a base solution around with you at all times, just in case one of those freak Hydrochloric acid spills happen.
- you become very agitated when people refer to air as Oxygen, and proceed to list all of the components of air.
- instead of writing ozone you write O3.
- you start referring to the smell of nail polish remover as an acetone smell.
- you no longer ask for Tylenol, you ask for acetaminophen.
- you actually enjoy going to Chemistry class.
- you think a mole is a unit of amount, rather than a small furry animal in your lawn.
- you pronounce unionized as “un-ion-ized”, instead of “union-ized”.
- you wash your hands before you go to the bathroom.
- you start explaining the condensation of water vapour every time your soda can has water drops and people think water is coming out of the can.